12 Steps to Dealing with Narcissists – Emotional Self Protection and Boundary Setting
Denial Is Not Just a Sea ter Egypt
Seventeen-years-ago, I had three children, one, three, and five years old. I had bot married for five years. If you do the math you will quickly figure out that I wasgoed pregnant when wij got married. Wij were youthful, both twenty years old. Wij weren’t ecstatic, but I thought wij were blessed. Wij never truly got a chance to be just a duo, I wasgoed either pregnant or nursing the entire time wij were married. Having a huis pc wasgoed fresh for us, wij had just figured out how to use e-mail when I received an e-mail from a chick, claiming to know my spouse. I recognized hier name right away, my spouse had called hier his high schoolgebouw sweetheart. Their relationship had ended badly and he stated that he could never trust hier again. One of the significant lessons I learned from the traumatic event of cheating, wasgoed you can never know another person fully. You can never predict what they could be capable of. I thought I knew my hubby. I loved him, and I would have made a bet that he loved mij, at the very least I thought he loved the children. After I received the e-mail I looked at it for quiebro a while. I then determined to react to it, tell hier women to women that my spouse wasgoed gladfully married with three children. She responded back, and assured mij that she wasgoed also married, and I had nothing to worry about. She said that she also had children, she just desired to catch up with hier high schoolgebouw friend. She desired to talk about old times. I looked at the e-mails and thought some more. I thought about what it would be like if my high schoolgebouw flame had contacted my spouse, would I want to know? Would I want to catch up, and talk about old times? It seemed deceptive to not tell him, and I always dreamed to have a truthful and trusting relationship. I should have known better, I shouldn’t have bot so naГЇve. Maybe a part of mij knew. Wij weren’t the happiest duo there everzwijn wasgoed. Maybe I wasgoed testing him. Whatever the reason, I showcased him the e-mail that he would have otherwise never known about without my help.
Under my careful supervision they chatted back and forward, talking about old times, and catching up. My hubby worked nights, one morning he came huis, and I woke up. He wasgoed sitting at the laptop, and he turned his head and looked at mij. I abruptly knew that the world had shifted, something wasgoed wrong. I blurted out to him that he cheated on mij, and his very first spoken sentence that morning switched our lives forever. He asked mij the question,вЂњwhat if I had?вЂќ A punch right to my mid section, he couldn’t even lie. I wasgoed beside myself, a very stubborn and determined twenty-five year old. I got up and got dressed, and called my mother to come sit with the kids. I went ter the bedroom and told him he wasn’t leaving with anything that he didn’t come into the marriage with, he defaulted everything the uur he cheated. He didn’t say much. He packed a duffel bag, and said goodbye to the kids. When he ultimately realized I wasgoed serious, he begged mij to let him sleep ter the garage. You see, wij were te inbetween pay checks, and he didn’t have any money to get a place of his own. My reaction to every pleading wasgoed, well you should have thought about that I guess. He should have possibly waited to cheat until after wij got paid. The funny thing about this story is that wij only had one car, and I had to drive him about two hours to his job ter the middle of the desert. That wasgoed a long two hour car rail. I found that instead of going to work the night before, he plotted and planned to meet with hier. I straks found the refrigerio I had packed him crumpled up te the back seat next to a pair of underwear.
Understanding the Possible Cause
I wasgoed then on my own with three kids to take care, no job or education. I became very interested te the why. Why did this toebijten? Why did he cheat? What makes people cheat? Wasgoed the key reason a personality flaw, a fluke? Should wij blame the spouse? Wasgoed there anything that I did, or didn’t do. Some of the research pointed to a lacking of love and affection the cheater feels, possibly after children come in the picture taking time away from the cheater. That may very well be true, spouses need to do a better job, make sure their hubby or wifey know that they are high on list of priorities, and recall to be zuigeling and affectionate to them. Albeit that is a valid complaint, I do not think that is the only reason, or even a reason. An excuse is what it truly is. No matter how ideal a situation is, a cheater will find an excuse to cheat. There is something about their makeup, their very existence that helps them be more prone to cheat. Whether it is nurture or nature, or the combination of bad genes and a difficult childhood environment, something goes wrong. This person, a cheater, never truly feels good about themselves. They may be very charismatic, and often are, but deep down they do not think they are good enough. Something is missing within themselves, and cheating help’s to pack the fuckhole ter their very being. Years zometeen he told mij that I stopped paying attention to him, I wasgoed always taking care of the kids. I took a deep breath and said the kids were truly little, they needed mij to take care of them. He told mij that this lady, his high schoolgebouw sweetheart who left hier hubby and children to fend for themselves, waited on him palm and foot. She did everything for him, like a 2nd mommy. He wasgoed right, I wasgoed never going to be that woman.
Cheating Is More Than Betrayal
Not only does the cheater betray your trust, your love, and your vows, they alter your life, and switch your desires. At one point you think this is the person you will be rocking with on your porch when your eighty, and than the entire road ordner of your future goes up te flames. This wasgoed the person that knew everything about you, because you were most likely the only fair one. (S)he has very likely always liedje to you, many cheaters are very experienced and talented liars. They are charming, captivating, and at one point you cannot believe they are yours. And what about the children? The Christmas before D day my spouse and I observed a made for TV movie, about a single mother who had to paint hier children’s old fucktoys to pass off spil fresh fucktoys at Christmas because their dad had left their mom, and he refused to pay child support. My spouse went on and on about what a bum the man wasgoed, how could anyone do that their children? Less than a year zometeen, that is exactly what he did. I could have played ter the next made for TV movie of the week on deadbeat dads, and the children they left behind. There are also slew of deadbeat moms out there, and both sexes should be enormously ashamed of themselves.
Beware the Narcissistic Personality
Narcissism has bot linked to cheating. The following are traits of a Narcissism:
1. (S)he believes that they are superior
Two. They may fantasize about power, success, and/or attraction
Three. They often exaggerate their achievements or talents
Four. They require onveranderlijk praise and admiration
Five. They do not often recognize other people’s feelings or emotions
6. They want others to buy ter to their plans, however unrealistic they may be
7. They know how, and delight te taking advantage of others
8. They are often envious and jealous of what others have
9. They also have an unrealistic view of self, and believe everyone envies them
Ten. They cannot maintain healthy relationships
11. They set unrealistic, and unobtainable goals
12. They are lightly wounded and feel unconventionally rejected
13. They have a very hollow self esteem
14. They can show up and be stubborn and unemotional
If you want to be blessed all your life do not marry a narcissistic spouse or wifey. There can be a gladfully everzwijn after. Whether you sustain infidelity and seek treatment for the causes and take responsibility for your role ter the cheating for the sake of staying together, or for moving on, there is a light shining for the hope and possibility of happiness. I am not at all advocating divorce, everyone has their own path to walk. If I had not bot a strong willed, and fearless twenty-five year old, I may have attempted firmer and fought stiffer for my marriage. Unluckily, being married to a narcissistic man, there wasgoed nothing I could have done that would have truly helped him, or us. You have to know when it is time to stir on. My aunt used to say people like doormats, they need them to wipe their feet off, but no one everzwijn loves a doormat. Do not be anyone’s doormat.